Burdens of Ignorance
by THURSTY
Summary: Hikaru knows he loves Kaoru, and Kaoru knows he loves Hikaru. But what they don't know is that the feeling is returned. Though they love each other, what happens when they confess? (Based off of Poem For A Sin/Why So Wrong) [HikaKao]
1. Spacing Out

** A/N: Hello, and welcome to Ultimate Homos! As you can see, this story is called _Burdens of Ignorance._ This is going to be my main focus for... I don't know, until I finish it, maybe? And I'm planning quite a number of chapters for you guys!**

** Remember this: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** Another thing is that I am – once again – saying a big thanks to QueenofCorsica222 for my motivation! 3**

** Anyways, let's get reading! Shall we? *Takes your hand into the world of HikaKao and poetry***

**Hikaru's POV**

_I'm trusting myself_

_To remain_

_Intact_

_But my thoughts_

_Say otherwise..._

It's not being narcissistic when I can spot so many differences, like how he's so graceful, kind, and altogether more beautiful than I am. Then he has his side that nearly nobody knows about, where he can get a little like me. Just a little, for he has a reputation of "uke" to maintain.

_I wish he was my uke for real..._

I shuddered at my disturbing thoughts. Though I have accepted my feelings for Kaoru, I still can't believe that I feel this. I mean, it's forbidden for crying out loud. Who knows the dangers? The risks? But then again, the pleasure?

Ah, screw my thoughts. Love is pretty hard to control. I mean, it was pretty unbelievable that I fell in love with Haruhi before. Look at what I could have been missing out on if I started dating her!

I'm assuming too much. _Look at what I could have been missing out on? _Who am I to think he feels the same way? Though... I hope he does.

I'm pulled away from my thoughts when I hear _that voice._

"Hikaru? Earth to Hikaru...!" Kaoru called.

"Oh! Sorry, Kaoru... what is it?" I asked.

"It's time to head to the club, Hikaru," Kaoru answered.

"Oh," I said. _It's time for the Host Club? Already?_

The Host Club actually used to be quite an enjoyable place for me. Because of the club, Kaoru and I started opening up to other people, while still being together. No abandonment - I would never think of it! Also, I got to get close to Haruhi, and though I don't like her that way anymore, she's still an amazing friend. But now, the Host Club kinda is a pain. Mainly because... well, I think it's obvious. The "Brotherly Love _Act". _It's only an act, though I wish it was way more. But, who knows if Kaoru feels the same...

The pain I get from that thought is like 20 machetes stabbing my chest simultaneously. Every. Single. Time. And I think about that a lot. I'm surprised I haven't been metaphorically killed.

I didn't say a word as Kaoru, Haruhi and I walked up to Music Room 3. That raised a bit of suspicion between the other 1st years, I could tell.

"Hikaru, why aren't you saying anything?" Kaoru asked. I could hear that he indeed sounded concerned. That made me feel good, though I know he has always cared.

"I'm just thinking about things..." I said. _Wow, what a dumb reply..._

"What kinds of things?" _OH MY GOD, KAORU IS SO CUTE WHEN HE YEARNS FOR THINGS! Just imagine his face when he yearns for me to-_

_Whoa. What am I thinking?_

"Hikaru? Are you gonna answer me?" Kaoru's voice brought me out of my thoughts again.

I trembled a little. "Heh, sorry..." I said. "I was just thinking about... … …"

Kaoru spoke again before I could finish. "It's okay if you don't wanna tell me about your erotic thoughts of Haruhi, Hikaru," he said.

Now that. _That _makes me angry. He thinks I still Haruhi in that way! "I don't like Haruhi that way!" I said, face red with anger.

Haruhi must have thought the red tint to my face was embarrassment. "I'm just gonna go ahead..." she mumbled, walking away from us.

I quickly glared at Kaoru, and we kept on walking.

Though it may be clear, I must say I now get distracted easily, starting from when I accepted my feelings...

_You make it_

_So hard_

_For me to_

_Keep up_

_Kaoru..._


	2. Thinking of You

** A/N: Hello there! I'm back, for you, my babes! Y'alls are my babes. 3**

** The same disclaimer as before, Ouran High School Host Club isn't mine, but what I would do for ownership!**

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** And... I have nothing else to say! Enjoy, my babes! 3**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.**

_I hope it's not_

_Obvious_

_But you occupy_

_My thoughts_

_All day..._

I'm more down-to-earth than Hikaru is. You don't need to know us that well to realize that. All you need to do to know it is to see us walking down the hallway. He's always more... I daresay lost than I am. When asked, he always says he's thinking about something. When I tell him he doesn't need to say he thinks erotically about Haruhi, it breaks me when his face gets red and he yells at me, saying; _"I don't like Haruhi that way!"_

Though I love him dearly, I want him to be happy. And he's always happy with our toy... oh, just putting this out there, calling Haruhi our toy was all Hikaru's idea.

Anyways, like I said, I'm more down-to-earth than Hikaru is. But, that doesn't stop my mind from wandering off into fantasies about him... PG-13.

We have reached Music Room 3, the other hosts being there too. Hikaru is sitting on the couch next to me, and I can tell by the dumb _yet sexy _look on his face, that he's thinking again. _Well, this kinda gives me time to think, too..._

_(Kaoru's thoughts)_

_ I'm walking through the garden at our mansion. Everything's peaceful, colorful bushels of flora lining where I walk. The warm atmosphere hitting all that's around, until I feel something warmer touch my left hand._

_ It's another hand!_

_ I look up to see who was softly holding my hand, and I see Hikaru walking with me, actually smiling... not a smirk, not a grin, but a genuine smile. I blush, feeling the redness spread across my cheek._

_ "You looked lonely," Hikaru says. I look down, blushing a little bit more._

_ We continued walking, no words being said. I didn't dare to talk, he just has that kind of effect on me. Though he is my brother, I didn't dare risk saying anything stupid._

_ Hikaru and I settled in a gazebo, sitting really close to each other. He draped his arm around me, and I pulled myself closer to him. I lightly put my hand on his clothed chest, resting my head on his shoulder._

_ "Kaoru..." Hikaru says._

_ I stuttered. "Y-yes, Hikaru?"_

_ "There's something I've wanted to tell you..."_

_ I looked at him expectantly, as he started leaning his face towards mine..._

_(Reality)_

"Kaoru!" Haruhi called.

I snapped out of my thoughts. "Yes, Haruhi?"

"You weren't focusing, so I thought I would bring you back to reality," Haruhi said. "Anyways, I can't get Hikaru out of his trance, so I figured you could."

"Oh, okay," I said. I turned towards Hikaru, and started poking his shoulder. "Hikaru... Hi-ka-ru..."

Hikaru jumped a little. "Yeah? What?" He said, quickly. It's almost as if he sounded nervous...

"What were you guys thinking about?" Haruhi asked.

_Should I tell her sometime? Not in front of Hikaru, of course, but still?_

"I'll tell you... but, it's a little personal..." I said, finally making my decision. "In the hallway?"

Haruhi nodded her head, and we got up to leave for the hallway. Hikaru tried getting up to go with us, but I told him to sit down... I left him complaining on the couch.

I led Haruhi down the hallway. I didn't want to risk a thing, so I wanted to get as far away from Music Room 3 as possible. When we reached our destination, I looked around to see if anybody was nearby. I saw some fangirls of the Brotherly Love Act, so I didn't mind if they were there.

"Alright... this may be a bit dramatic and sort of an overreaction..." I began," ...but I was thinking about Hikaru."

Haruhi blinked. "Don't you always?"

_Of course she doesn't get it!_

"Well, yes, but this kind of thinking is... romantic..." I said, whispering the last word.

Haruhi blinked again. "That's what I meant. I mean, it's pretty obvious to people as observant as I am. I wouldn't be surprised if Kyouya-senpai is aware of it as well."

I laughed a little bit. "He probably is. I don't zone out as much as Hikaru, but... well, you guys are smart!" I said.

Haruhi smiled. "Let's go back, now," she said.

We started to walk back to Music Room 3. When we reached the door, before I put my hand on the door handle, I stopped to look at Haruhi.

"Haruhi... thank you," I barely whispered.

"You're welcome, Kaoru," Haruhi replied. "Good luck."

We both smiled as we walked back into Music Room 3.

_It has become_

_Clear to_

_Some_

_But not you_

_Hikaru..._


	3. He WHAT?

** A/N: I think I should mention that the characters – mostly Hikaru – will all have some OOC moments.**

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** The usual disclaimer! Ouran High School Host Club is not mine!**

**Hikaru's P.O.V.**

_When you aren't_

_With me_

_I worry_

_No matter what_

_The situation..._

I see Kaoru and Haruhi walk back in, with small, loving smiles plastered on their faces. That makes me wonder what exactly did they talk about out there...

_Did he ask her out!?_

Oh dear God, I hope he didn't! That would surely break my heart...

I stood up and ran to them, mainly seeking Kaoru. "Hey, guys! What did you talk about out there?"

Kaoru slightly blushed, while Haruhi answered. "Oh, he just told me about someone he likes!" she said. I looked back at Kaoru, and his eyes widened whilst his blush deepened.

_Who does he like!? WHO DOES HE LIKE!? _I really wanted to ask that, but I don't know...

"Who is it?" I asked them anyways.

"Nobody! Nobody! Absolutely nobody...!" Kaoru replied almost immediately. He had some sweat running down the side of his forehead.

_Well, if Kaoru is able to open up to Haruhi and say who he likes, I guess I will..._

"Hey, speaking of liking someone..." I began, "Haruhi, can I talk to you in the hallway?"

Haruhi had a look on her face that said _Oh God. _"Fine..." she said, walking back out into the hallway.

I followed after her, until we reached a little further down the hall.

"Look, if you're trying to ask me out, my answer's no," Haruhi said.

"Hah!" I laughed in her face. "You think I still like you that way!? Hahaha! HECK no! I was gonna tell you I have a crush on Kaoru! Haha-" I cut myself off realizing what I just blurted out loud.

Haruhi's jaw dropped. "He... he likes you, too..." she mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Never mind, Hikaru. Let's just go back..." Haruhi suggested.

"No no no no no! You said something! Lemme hear!"

Haruhi smacked my left arm*. "Let's just go back," she repeated, sternly.

As we were walking back, I said in more of a serious tone; "It sounded like you said he likes me too..."

Haruhi smiled at up me. "That's something you need to find out on your own, Hikaru," she said.

_The truth_

_Is what I_

_Seek to know_

_How you feel_

_Kaoru..._

***= That's an inside joke between me and my friends Jarrod, Blake, and Sammy. I have a thing for hitting people in the left arm...**

**A/N: I was hoping to get this up the same day I got chapter 2 up, but I didn't have internet! *sad faces***

**Also, sorry for the short chapter! Hopefully chapter 4 will be longer! ^3^ b**


	4. Staring

**A/N: I just dyed my hair an emerald color! It looks beautiful!**

** Also, this story seems so... rushed. I don't really like that! I love writing, and I have good reviews on this, but I feel as if it just isn't so good as you claim. But, I'm always like that... I guess you can call it modest? Whatever. *le shrug***

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** Same disclaimer, I don't own Ouran High School Host Club!**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.**

_I know that_

_You love_

_Her_

_But I still_

_Love you..._

Hikaru and Haruhi were in the hallway and back quicker than I was. It was enough time for a "Do you wanna go out with me?" to be asked and a "Yes!" or "No!" to be said. But, now that Haruhi knows how I feel, she would never do that! She's too nice.

I hope.

I mean, people always say that she spends more time with Hikaru than with me. That's only because of their date, really...

Ugh. Their date.

Yes, I set it up so Hikaru would learn how to "feel" towards other people other than us. And, well, I think he just so happened to fall in love with Haruhi. Wait, scratch that:

I _know _he just so happened to fall in love with Haruhi.

Bringing myself back to reality, I asked; "What happened out there?"

"Hey, you didn't want to answer when I asked you, so I'm not answering right now," Hikaru replied.

Haruhi shook her head. "Hikaru just told me who he likes, also..." she sighed.

I looked at Hikaru. "It's Haruhi, isn't it?" I asked him

Hikaru opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted as Tamaki told us to get into our cosplay. The look on Hikaru's face said that he had no idea there was a cosplay idea for today. Well, I didn't know either, so I can't blame him... Anyways, we're cosplaying _My Little Pony. _Pretty childish*...

Hikaru and I are in the changing room with each other. _Oh, because that's not awkward at all! _Well, we would always change in front of each other, but now I know that Hikaru likes someone, and Hikaru knows that I like someone... that's just awkward. So, I wanted to get out of there as quick as possible. I already threw off my blazer and untied my tie.

I felt as if Hikaru was watching me when I was unbuttoning my white shirt, so I looked up from my buttons... and _he was! _I made eye contact with him, and he blushed and looked away.

"H-Hikaru..." I began, "what was that about?"

"Ah, nothing... nothing at all, Kaoru..." Hikaru said. "Let's just hurry up and change..."

I shrugged, causing my white button-up to fall off my shoulders and land in a lump on the floor. I turned around so my back was facing Hikaru, and kicked off my shoes and socks to make way for my slacks to come off. I turned my head to see if Hikaru was looking at me, and he was _again!_

Once again, eye contact was made, him blushing and looking away. Only this time, I blushed too. I mean... he was in only his boxers, as well.

I quickly threw on the ragged, brown pants from my cosplay. I heard extra rustling, implying that Hikaru had put on his shorts from his cosplay. Being cautious, I threw on the orange t-shirt and quickly buttoned up the brown vest. I quickly glanced towards Hikaru, and he was still shirtless... and I couldn't take my eyes off him. He's just so fit...

_Oh, crap! Eye contact!_

"Okay, why do you keep on looking at me and blushing!?" Hikaru asked.

"I should be wondering the same thing!" I replied, putting on cowboy boots and a hat. "Now, hurry up."

Hikaru put on his blue tank top, black sneakers, and black fingerless-gloves really quickly. _He probably wants to stop the staring as soon as possible..._

He walked up to me. "Hm," he began, "you look adorable in that hat..."

_I can't help but_

_Admire you_

_Whenever_

_I get the chance_

_Hikaru..._

** *= Yeah, MLP is a show for kids, but I don't hate it, so don't take what I wrote down the wrong way! I'm a brony!**

** Another pretty short chapter... and I still don't have internet when typing this up! Maybe I can steal internet from the neighbors... hm, I don't know... *another shrug***

** Also, I was thinking this before I went to sleep last night: Should I put something in here to "change the rating", if you're catching my drift here? I don't have to! But, if I get enough reviews that say "yes", then there's a chance I'll throw in some smut. But if only a few reviews say "yes", then... I don't know, I'll write a separate story. Heck, it may not even have to do with this fic! But, please, review and say "yes" or "no" (And if you need to say anything else!) and I'll know what you mean.**


	5. Can't Contain Myself

**A/N: ****Okay... I've been leeching internet from my neighbors, I admit it! It's just... they don't have a wi-fi password! Love is an open door! Also, random fact: My brother is walking around the house in a tuxedo.**

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** Same disclaimer, Ouran High School Host Club isn't mine! If it was, you know what I would do? Well, look at my favorite stories on this site. Most of them are Rated M... you know where this is going! *evil smirk***

**Hikaru's P.O.V.**

_I let things slip_

_But that's because_

_Your beauty_

_Turns my mind_

_Into mush..._

_ Did I really just say that out loud!?_

"Um... thanks, Hikaru..." Kaoru said, blushing.

_Oh God. I did. WHY!? Oh, but he's blushing!_

_ PROBABLY FROM HOW AWKWARD THAT WAS!_

"You look really cool with that outfit on, Hikaru..." Kaoru replied, shyly.

I blushed. "Heh, we should cosplay this more often, then..." I said, awkwardly.

Kaoru smiled a little bit. "Yeah, maybe we can suggest it more often!" he said. "But, let me just say this: The vest is really tight on me..."

_Oh, but I can take it off for you..._

I looked at the vest on him. "No, it isn't exactly your size... funny, I'm dressed as Rainbow Dash but am acting like Rarity at the moment..."

Kaoru giggled. _Still sooo cute! _"And I'm Applejack, complaining about my fashion!" he pointed out, making me laugh a little.

"Let's head out, we're taking a bit of time in here," I suggested. All Kaoru did was nod, and we left the changing rooms.

Tamaki ran up to us in his Rarity cosplay. "WHAT TOOK YOU TWO SO LONG!?" he shouted.

"Typical boss, typical Rarity..." Kaoru and I mumbled in unison.

We looked around at the other hosts. Kyouya was Twilight, Honey was Pinkie Pie, Mori was Fluttershy, and Haruhi was Spike... oddly enough, these all made sense. I was right, we SHOULD suggest this cosplay in the future... also, Haruhi looked funny with shoulder pads!

"The ladies are going to show up any minute now. We might as well get into position," Kyouya commanded more than suggested.

When we were in position, I had an idea for the Brotherly Love Act. "Hey, we can use your vest to our advantage..." I whispered to Kaoru.

"Ohhh, I'm catching your drift, here..." Kaoru whispered back.

_And if you loved me the way I love you, we can use the vest for our PRIVATE advantage... but, no, because I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, GOD DAMMIT!_

The doors opened, and the cued rose petals started to fly out. The ladies looked at us, some in awe, and some in disappointment.

"Welcome, ladies. Join the herd," we all cooed in unison, before going to our designated areas.

"Ohhh! AppleDash! I looove that pairing sooo much!" one of our clients – Thurston, an American student – swayed. I find it funny when she fangirls, because she has a really deep voice. Like, a voice similar to Kyouya's. Get back on topic, shall we?

"We know it's a popular shipping amongst bronies and pegasisters, but sometimes..." I began. I brought Kaoru towards me, holding his chin up with my index and middle fingers so he was looking at me. "...Sometimes, Kaoru can be such a Fluttershy..."

Kaoru blushed on cue. "H-Hikaru..."

"But it's true, Kaoru. You're always so cute..."

"KYAAAAAAAAAAA!" the fangirls screamed. I laughed on the inside, because I heard the deep fangirl scream from Thurston. Huehuehue...

While the fangirls were in the midst of swaying over us, I let go of Kaoru and we returned to where we were originally sitting. _Oh, but how I love holding him..._

Once the girls recovered, Kaoru offered to bring them some tea.

"Yes, please!" the girls replied. Kaoru got up and walked off to grab the tea.

The girls turned their attention to me. "Hey, Hikaru-kun," Thurston said.

"... I'm Kaoru," I lied.

"No, you're Hikaru-kun," Thurston pointed out. "I've been here enough to know that Kaoru-kun is typically the one to offer tea."

I nodded. "You're not wrong."

Thurston nodded her head as well. "Anyways, the point is, I've noticed you have been bringing Kaoru a little... closer, recently. And, he's been quite... accepting of it," she said.

I froze. _How am I supposed to reply to that?_

"Well? Ya gonna speak up or what?" Thurston urged. Typical Americans.

"Well, maybe it's just how we are!" I replied.

"How we are?" I turned my head and I saw Kaoru standing there, tea tray in his hands. He placed down the tray, and sat down next to me. "What were you guys talking about?"

Thurston spoke up. Is she like the leader of the girls? "Oh, we just noticed how you two have been a lot closer than usual in your act!"

Kaoru had a confused look on his face.

"What I mean is that Hikaru has been pulling you closer, and that you have been quite accepting of it!" Thurston called.

Kaoru shook his head. "Hikaru was right, maybe it's just how we are."

The girls – mainly Thurston – stopped arguing, and we resumed to normal business. Kaoru poured the girls some tea, and served it to them. As we planned earlier, he started to "complain" over the tightness of his vest.

"Here, Kaoru, let me help you..." I said, starting to unbutton Kaoru's vest. As a reply, he blushed on cue.

_Too... much... cuteness! Too... hard... to... contain..._

_ WHOA!_

...

I kissed Kaoru.

_I can't stop_

_Myself from_

_Loving you_

_So deeply_

_Kaoru..._

** A/N: Ooh! Dat ending, am I right!? I don't know, I felt rushed. Well, I'm on a school bus after all. Anyways, it's CRAZY because I started writing this right after I finished writing chapter 4, and here I am, over a week later, finishing the chapter!**

** Oh, yeah, I'm still looking for answers to my smut suggestion! It will come later in the story, of course. Let's see... if 5 reviews say yes, and they have to be from different people, then it's a deal! So far, the results are:**

**Yes: 2**

**No: Zippidy-ziddles-ZERO!**

** Ciao!**


	6. I Love You

** A/N: Hopefully I post this sooner than Chapter 5. Man, that was LATE! Gomen!**

** Anyways, last chapter was pretty eventful... and if you're wondering – which you probably aren't – Thurston is me! Yes, self-inserted character. Well, more like self-inserted legitimate-person...?**

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** Here's to Chapter 6! I'll see you again at the bottom of le chappy!**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.**

_I used to think_

_That you didn't_

_Love me_

_Like that_

_But here we are..._

To say I was shocked was an understatement. _He kissed me... he KISSED me! In front of everybody, too!_

When we parted, I wanted to see Haruhi's reaction, but I couldn't keep my eyes off Hikaru. God, what a way to kiss the one I love! It's awkward, but... not!

_I love him, he loves me!_

Inside, I'm doing 100 jumping jacks a second. Outside, I'm staring stupidly at the boy who claimed my first kiss. God, I'm _so_ smooth.

Hikaru soon started to look scared. "I-I'm sorry, Kaoru!" he stood up, and before I could stop him, he ran off.

I didn't even stand up at first. I relaxed a little, and lightly touched my fingertips to my lips. I looked around, and EVERYBODY was staring my way.

"I should probably go get him..." I mumbled. I ran out of Music Room 3, in search for Hikaru. I was calling his name, I was yelling "It's okay!", "Come out!", and I even screamed; "I love you!"

I found an empty classroom, and saw the Hikaru's familiar figure standing in there. I opened the door, walking into the room. "Hikaru?"

He jumped a little out of shock. He turned his head slightly, and I saw tears running down his cheeks. I walked up to him and hugged him from behind.

"It's okay, Hikaru..." I cooed.

"No, it's not, Kaoru!" Hikaru snapped. "Do you not get it!? I lo-"

I cut Hikaru off with a kiss. "I said, it's okay..." I whispered when we broke apart. I took a step back to see his face. Now here he was, staring at _me _stupidly. It makes me feel good to know I have that effect on someone, to be honest.

"Th-that just happened?" Hikaru asked, dumbfounded.

I giggled. "Yes," I replied, "and don't be so surprised."

"W-what do you m-mean?"

I paused. _This is happening. I'm gonna tell him. _"I love you, Hikaru..." I said.

Hikaru's face flushed red. With that blush, he could easily be uke... but too bad, that's my role. "I-I love you too, Kaoru..." he whispered.

I blushed, smiling.

"But we can't do this!" Hikaru exclaimed.

"What!?"

_We love each other_

_But you say we_

_Can't_

_Be together_

_Hikaru..._

**A/N: Oh my glob, short chapter. Like, the shortest one. It's crazy. Like, I think the A/N's put together would be longer than the chapter itself.**

** I'm mentally punching myself for ending such a short – yet eventful – chapter in such a way. IT HUUURTS! WHY DID I MAKE HIM SAY THAT!? (It's early in the morning, I'm sick, and I'm on a school bus... I want to go home... that's probably why. I'm in misery, so I'll put misery in everything I love. So, my apologies.)**

** Bad news: I'm getting a little disappointed with this story. I might have it on hiatus every once in a while. I'm surprised you lovely people who take time out of your day to read – more like stomach – this are saying that it's a good story and that you can't wait for the next chapter. Because I can gladly wait until I figure out what the frig I'm actually doing. I'm practically improvising; coming up with a situation on the spot, and writing it down.**

** Remember to vote YES or NO on my smut suggestion! (If I make it that far.)**


	7. These Emotions

** A/N: Oh my Kira, I am FINALLY back! I have regained confidence... for now, I guess. And now, for you and your patience, a longer-than-usual chapter!**

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** I still don't own the wonderful show of Ouran. *Sad face***

**Hikaru's P.O.V.**

_I feel so_

_Dumb_

_For not letting_

_Myself_

_Love you..._

The hosting hour was over, and Kaoru and I had returned home after an awkwardly quiet limo ride. I have recently cleaned myself in our _shared _shower, I now sat on our _shared _bed, in our _shared _room, as Kaoru was taking a shower in our _shared _bathroom.

God, if we share all of these things, then why did I suddenly turn down on sharing our love? It pained me, his reaction, and It still does as I think about it.

_"But we can't do this!"_

_ "What!?"_

I hold so many regrets in my heart, brain, gut, everywhere. I hate hurting my brother just as much as the next overly attached twin. His expression as he called out in shock was that of an empty, sad puppy... if that makes sense.

I look up as I hear a door opening. I see Kaoru walk into our room with nothing but a towel on around his waist. _I must say, he looks absolutely delectable like this. Am I really identical to such an angel?_

But all he does is avoid eye contact by staring at his feet as he walks to retrieve his clothes.

"Kaoru? I say, hoping for a response.

Nothing.

I slumped down in my position, now realizing that I have already been sitting in a slouching position. _He won't talk to me... I must have REALLY hurt him._

Unexpectedly, Kaoru just drops the towel and continues to get dressed as if nothing happened. Or, as if I'm not even there. I can't tell which, exactly. I find myself staring for a little bit, but quickly look away as I feel my cheeks heat up. Kaoru quickly finishes getting dressed, and walks up to me.

"Hikaru, can I talk with you?" Kaoru asks in a quiet, shy tone.

My head shoots up to look at him, hoping for eye contact. Once again, he's looking away. _But at least he spoke up, am I right?_

_ "_Of course," I respond.

Kaoru took a deep breath. "Well, about what happened earlier," he began. "I-I'm sorry..."

I looked at him, confused. "Sorry?" I questioned. "Kaoru, if anything, I should be the one apologizing!"

"I'm apologizing for-" Kaoru's sentence got cut off as we heard knocking at our door. "Yes?" Kaoru asks, irritatedly.

The voices of the twin maids chimed. "We are her to inform you that dinner's ready," they said.

"Okay," Kaoru and I say at the same time. After they walk away, Kaoru returns to what he was saying. "Anyways, I'm apologizing for being so sudden with the whole, 'I love you' thing. I must have been awkward," he said.

I shook my head. "K-Kaoru, you have no real reason to apologize," I said. "Really, it should be me. I kiss you, run away, and when you confess I suddenly turn you down!? How much worse can I get?"

Kaoru looked at me, finally making the much anticipated eye contact. "Well... just know that I accept your apology, Hikaru. I'm gonna go get dinner," he says, walking off. He stopped at the door, turned, and asked; "Are you coming?"

I thought for a second. "I'm just gonna make a quick phone call and I'll be down," I replied, scrambling off the bed to grab my phone out of my school bag.

"Okay," Kaoru said, shutting the door behind him as he left the room.

I dialed the phone number, waiting through three ringings, and finally, the desired person answered.

"Yes?" I hear the deep yet feminine voice. "Isn't this a bit, er, sudden?"

"Yeah, whatever. I know I just got your number and all, but I need to talk," I respond.

"Speak," she insisted.

I sighed. "Kaoru apologized for confessing, when he shouldn't have had to feel sorry! I apologized for the whole kiss-run-decline situation, y'know, the _good_ reason to apologize, and he just accepted it and left!" I explained. "I don't know, Thurston, I'm just really confused. Why would he feel bad? Why would he suddenly feel as if I were the victim?"

"Hikaru, though your idiot brain may not have realized it, chances are that he knows that he's the victim. He probably just apologized so he wouldn't feel that way. Now, I'm not saying that that's the _only_ reason. It also seems as though he really is sorry for the sudden declaration of love. A lot of people do it, and a lot of people feel that way afterwards," Thurston replied. "Now, my brother is bugging me. I should probably go."

"No! Wait!" I said, maybe a little _too _loudly. "Why can't we keep talking?"

"Because, now my brother is accusing me of cheating on my boyfriend with the likes of you," Thurston said. "Plus, you probably have something to do. And I don't care if you're still confused, you can talk with me later. Just act natural around Kaoru, okay?"

"But!"

She hung up. I groaned out of slight disappointment. "I heard that Americans are rude and all, but sheesh..." I grumbled. I stood up, still a little slouched, and walked downstairs to get my dinner.

_Why, why must I be so confused?_

I get my platter and settle down next to Kaoru in front of a television.

"Took you long enough," Kaoru teased. "Who did you call?"

"A friend," I said. _Hey, it's not a COMPLETE lie._

"Which one, though?" he asked, again.

"Thurston," I mumbled, sounding unintentionally irate.

"Jeez bro, sorry I asked."

_I didn't mean to sound angry! _I thought but never said. Instead, I paid attention to what was on the screen ahead of us. We were watching this American show that Thurston mentioned, a show called _Supernatural._ Kaoru and I like to watch it together, make comments on it, but as we watched this episode, nearly nothing was said.

And I didn't like that empty atmosphere. Not. One. Bit.

_Confused and worried_

_Is what I am_

_Oh_

_I'm truly sorry_

_Kaoru..._


	8. All We Needed To Do Was Talk

** A/N: I feel good about this story now, so I will be picking up on it more often. I'm just always so afraid of disappointing my loyal readers. Seriously, what you want matters to me more than what I want. Also, I might change the physical format of this story. I'm thinking of add lines to divide the A/N, P.O.V., and short "poem" from the chapter.**

** Remember: Readers are friends, reviewers are best friends!**

** No matter how many times I beg, plead, cry, or prostitute myself, Ouran will never be mine to own.**

**Kaoru's P.O.V.**

_Though I'm the_

_Victim_

_I truly am_

_Incredibly_

_Sorry..._

After eating dinner... and watching about 3 episodes of Supernatural, I sat on mine and Hikaru's bed as he was taking a shower. I have a feeling this is the position he was in when he was waiting for me...

I remembered that Hikaru was on the phone with Thurston earlier. _Well, look at him, confessing his love to me and just finding another person to dump it on!_

Oh, wait, she's in a relationship.

Well, if he has the bravery to converse with a "friend", two can play at that game. I will start pouring my emotions out to someone who is just as demeaning and butt-hurt as Thurston! I found my cell phone, went to the contacts list, and found exactly who I wanted.

_Briiing, briiing, briiing..._

"What, Kaoru?" the person answered.

"Well, Haruhi," I began, imitating her usual bored, calm tone of voice, "I just wanna talk abou-"

"Hikaru, I'm guessing," she interrupted. She heard a ruffling noise from my side of the line indicating the motion of my head nodding. "That's what I thought," Haruhi said.

"Of course you knew, when do you not?" I teased. "Anyways... you know Thurston, right? Y'know, pinkish-orange hair, pretty tall..."

"Yes, I know her. Why?"

"Well, Hikaru was apparently talking with her earlier. I don't know why," I said, sadness filling a small portion of my voice. "Any reason why he would?"

"I will answer your question with another question," Haruhi began. "What's the main reason you're talking to me at the moment?"

"T-to say how worried I am... about Hika-" my voice caught as I gasped lightly. "So, he- he might have been concerned for me? For whatever reason?"

"It's just a hunch. Who knows, after all, Hikaru is kind of a flirt. He even had ME fooled." Haruhi and I quietly laughed at what she said. "Have you two been talking much?"

I paused to think. "Well... not MUCH. I ignored him for a little bit, but then I apologized to him," I explained. "You know, for the awkwardness of the situation we, uh, suffered through." Haruhi made a confused noise. _Lemme guess; she's ALSO confused as to why I was apologizing?_

"You two are getting indescribably difficult, you know. You love each other. Accept it. If Hikaru needs some sense knocked into him, hopefully Thurston can provide. She's good with idiots."

"Are you assuming I don't need sense knocked into me?"

Haruhi sighed. _Man, I really must be difficult. _"Yes, you do need it, but you're smart enough to contemplate it yourself, Kaoru. I would say to leave all of this to Thurston and I, but for God's sake do you boys need to communicate again!" the brunette exclaimed, seeming exasperated.

There was a short moment where nothing but silence was exchanged between the two of us, until I finally realized what I should do, and I shattered the quiet atmosphere. "... Yes, Haruhi, you're right. I'll try talking to him when he gets out of the shower."

"Good." I could hear the relief in her voice. "Good luck Kaoru, and if anything goes wrong, then I guess I'll allow you to call me for assistance."

"Thank you, Haruhi," I said before I hung up.

After nearly five minutes, I heard the water stop in the bathroom, and Hikaru emerged from said room with nothing but a towel. The usual.

"Um... Hikaru, can we talk?" I asked, sounding shy. _God dammit! Gotta be bold! This is my brother!_

"Okay," he replied, sitting next to me, still wearing a towel around his waist.

"So, anyways... I was just wondering; why were you so... hesitant after... you-know-what?"

"You can just ask why I was hesitant after the kiss. It's not like it's Voldemort," Hikaru responded sarcastically. I chuckled at that. _Look at that, I already feel a bit more comfortable. _Hikaru continued speaking his reason. "You should know this, Kaoru. We're twins, and being in a relationship isn't exactly morally accepted... at all. We'd be frowned upon, and we could lose the relations we have with the other hosts and people outside of the club. And I don't even wanna think about mom and dad's reactions if they find out!" Hikaru sighed. "I don't want to risk it. I want us to be safe, especially you, because... I love you."

I smiled at his second confession of love. "Hikaru, I know that the public wouldn't exactly be fond over the idea of a homosexual, twincestuous couple. But since when have we ever been fond of the public? I know that we decided to open up more after we met Haruhi and all, but still. We don't have to retreat to our old world, but I do want to be with you in a romantic way," I said, "and if that's the case, I'll take the chance. But I don't think we have to."

Hikaru paused for a second. "I need to think about this," he said.

I started thinking back to Haruhi's and my conversation. _If Hikaru needs some sense knocked into him, hopefully Thurston can provide. She's good with idiots. _Well dammit, Haruhi, maybe I can provide. Though I may be an idiot, I'm not stupid. "Hikaru, you shouldn't need to think about it. It's simple; are you willing to, or not? It's not as hard as it sounds," I growled.

"Well shit, Kao," Hikaru began. _I love that nickname. _"You know me. I'm not as smart as you, I'm indecisive, I'm full of regret-"

"Regret?"

A nervous smile appeared on Hikaru's face. "For not letting our relationship happen in the first place."

_Well, THAT'S not what I expected. Still... best. Answer. EVER. _I could feel the hotness in my cheeks. I don't know, there's just something about Hikaru that absolutely entices me.

Aha, I know that "something".

_Everything. Everything _about Hikaru just makes me love him so much.

Hikaru and I started chuckling lightly. "Well, Kao," Hikaru began, "our moods sure have changed."

I nodded. "Real fast, too. I guess you just needed some sense knocked into you, as Haruhi told me when I was on the phone with her," I said. "I will tell her that I took her advice."

"You were talking to Haruhi earlier? Why?" Hikaru asked, genuinely confused. That's idiocy for ya.

I smirked the same way we typically do. "For the same reason you were talking to Thurston earlier!"

"I can't even remember why I called her," Hikaru confessed. "I guess my mind is just mush right now. Damn, this is what you do to me!"

I blushed even more. _Stop being so smooth, Hikaru! I want to be a fashion designer in the future, not a tomato!_

Hikaru snickered. "Aw, Kao, you're the cutest thing."

_ Oh, look at me, I'm now a tomato. _"S-so... does this mean..." I stuttered. I was tripping over my words too much that I finished the sentence in my mind.Hikaru used twin telepathy to understand the rest of what I wanted to say. He looked me deep in the eyes. _So captivating..._

"Yes, Kao. Let's do this."

Before I could express any sort of excitement that welled up inside me, he kissed me. It was different from the others. The previous ones felt a bit more... unwanted and unwilling. This one; this one was calm, loving, the list goes on and on. Sadly, all good things come to an end, and so we broke apart. Yes, that's how cheesy I can get. Don't blame me, I just kissed the man of my dreams! With MEANING!

We were looking into each others eyes. It's shocking that I look identical to him. I just seem less handsome than him. But, hey, that doesn't mean I'm less beautiful. Kidding; he's beautiful.

"How long do you think 'til Kyouya finds out about us?" Hikaru asked out of the blue.

"Hm... chances are, he'll be suspicious by tomorrow," I answered. "He may know it for a fact by... over morrow." Hikaru had a confused look on his face as I said 'over morrow'. "He'll know the day after tomorrow."

"Ohhh!" Hikaru said. "Kao, don't use smart words with me. I can't handle it!" We chuckled at that true statement. We looked into each other's eyes once we were quiet, and kissed again. _Ah, I can get used to this._

Once we parted, Hikaru – once again – spoke. "Well, Kao, it's midnight now and I'm still naked. Should I change that?" He laughed.

I thought for a second, until...

"No."

_All we needed was_

_A moment_

_Alone_

_To simply 'talk'_

_Hikaru..._

**A/N: I kinda hate the rushed end. I needed to get to the HikaKao eventually though, amirite? *Sigh* So, the beginning of the chapter was written back when this was last updated, which was... March? Now, the end of the chapter (Starting from _"You two are getting indescribably difficult, you know"_) is being written in May. I know, you had to wait SOOO LOOONG... and you get this shitty chapter. I promise; the next chapter will be way better, if you know what I mean!**

**I wonder if anybody actually reads my notes. If you do, leave a review (If you're already posting one, then include this) saying, "Jack Douglass is Thurston's spirit animal!"**

**P.S. Longest chapter!**

**~Ultimate Homos (Thurston)**


	9. Author's Note (it has 333 words wAt)

yey for author notes

Alrighty, hello everyone! If you expected this to be a new chapter, then I apologize. I know that it sucks when a story updates but it's just an A/N. Heh.

I know I haven't updated this story since May, and I'm really sorry for that. I would just like to address a few things, though.

First: I have improved my writing skills over the span of doing absolutely nothing. I have received a few tips from some very nice people, so yay.

Second: I have become obsessed with many, many other fandoms and shippings. I will post more of a variety once I get my confidence back up. The shippings will mainly be Junjou Romantica, Junjou Egoist, Junjou Terrorist, Junjou Mistake, MarRoy, KickTheStickz, Phan, Ianthony, and Marhinki.

I rarely ever write non-romance, but I might start getting into it. I would love to write stories that anyone can read.

Third: I have a plan for a MAJOR alternate universe fanfic for Ouran Host Club. It'll be a long story with many changes from the actual canon... you might be a little irritated by it... most people are when I tell them about it, despite the fact that it's my story and I do what I want. Whatevs.

Fourth (this isn't as important): You may not know of my old story "Gift Giving". Just in case, the point of the story is that I take whatever I got for Christmas and change it up so it's one host giving it to another depending on the item. It's got some shippin'. Well, I will possibly start continuing it once Christmas 2k15 rolls around. I would still have to WRAP UP (hahahapleasedon'tflamemeforthatpunhaha) all the stuff from last year, but I'm willing to do that. It'll then be a pretty large story, considering that I have two Christmas' and a Christmas Eve party... hmm... I'm willing to do it!

If you read this, then thank you! Have a great day, my loves!

xoxo


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